Hello and welcome to Non-binary identities and you (name may change). This is a website dedicated to growing your knowledge on Nonbinary people and their identities! In this we will also briefly explain how ones presentation and pronouns relate to gender.
If you don’t know what any of that is then don’t worry, everyone starts somewhere and that is the whole point of this site! To start there will be a brief terminology section explaining a few terms that will come up, feel free to refer to it as needed! There will then be an explanation of what Nonbinary is and some simple courtesy! The following three go hand in hand with how someone presents themself, pronouns and how to use and correct yourself on someone's pronouns! The last section goes over the most common Identities under the Nonbinary umbrella though definitely not all of them!
Remember this is about learning and growing, you might not know much or anything and that is ok. Read at your own pace and take your time!
Sex assigned at birth: is exactly as it sounds, The sex the doctor said you were at birth based off sex characteristics this goes further than I'm qualified for so here's a website that can explain it more!
Gender (identity): the social construct of a personons identity and the expectations connected to that; usually tied with social, culteral and behavioral attributes. What someone knows they are and how they identify that.
Gender binary: the catogorization of gender into only two options, typically being man and woman; typically it is also assumed that peoples gender aligns with their sex assigned at birth.
Umbrella term/identity: a term used to broadly describe other identites; an identity that can have a subset of other identities underneath it. A person can also just itentify as the unbrella identity either because it is enough for them or because they either do not care or believe they can specify more.
Trans(gender): the umbrella term for someone whose gender doesn't match the sex assigned at birth
Binary trans: specifically a trans person whose gender is still within the gender binary; eg: Female to male (FtM) or male to female (MtF).
Cis(gender):someone whose gender does match the sex assigned at birth
Now that we got that out of the way, I'll try and give you the most common definitions of nonbinary, keep in mind it can differ depending on a persons identity. I will also go over courtesy.
Non-binary is the umbrella term for identities that do not fall under the current gender binary. People who are non-binary may also identify as trans or not, this is differnt for each non-binary person and can be shaped by their experience with their own gender and how they may see it and themselves. Just because a person doesn't identify as trans doesn't mean they are cis either and one shouldn't assume.
Just like with any other trans person, if you have a question for a non-binary person, first ask youself "would I ask a cis person this? And do I know this person enough to ask in the first place?"
Some people (like myself) are more open with answering questions. But many are rightfully not; having to explain your existance to people can get exhausting and sometimes people ask questions
not because they want to learn but so they can start an argument or mock people. So please, make sure the person you are about to aks a question to is ok with it.
Now onto more specifics.
Gender presentation and gender identity are not the same thing, someone who is masculine isn't automatically a man, and someone who is feminine isn't automatically a woman. Furthermore, just because someone is non-binary, doesn't mean they have to dress or present themselves as androgynous. One must also keep in mind the fact that each culture can have a different idea of what is masculine or feminine. A person who looks very masculine in one culture may look feminine in another, this does not change their gender in any way. Cis, trans, and non-binary people can dress any way they want and that does not reflect their gender.
A good example of this are drag queens and kings! Theres a very long history with drag and gender. Many trans people start off and continue to do drag but I'm not qualified to go over that. What is important is most people who are drag queens are not women, even if they dress in what is concidered womens clothing or use a name thats associated with women. Their epression and their gender are not the same. This is the website I read to word this part better and that I found helpful(1)!
Before starting proper, They/them can be used as both plural pronouns and as singular pronouns. This can be seen as far back as 1375 (in its old written form that is)!
Just like you cannot tell someones gender just based on how they look, neither can you tell what pronouns they use based off their looks or their gender.
A person whose a man and presents masculine might use she/her while a person whose a woman and looks feminine might use he/him; just because someone is non-binary doesn't
mean they would use they/them pronouns. A non-binary person can use he/him or she/her aswell. Cis and Binary trans people can also use they/them pronouns and not be non-binary. The best way to know someones pronouns is to ask, but don't
just ask trans people or people your not sure are cis, ask cis people aswell; after all your assumtion of their gender might be wrong but also
the more nomal it is to ask everyone the less akward for trans people it becomes because then they are not getting singled out!
They/them, she/her and he/him are not the only pronouns but that will be covered in a more advanced talk about gender, basics for now!
How does one use they/them pronouns? Well chances are you already know how. many times people use they/them without realizing, the differnce is they use it when talking about a hypothetical person or a stranger they have never met or seen. I have been using they/them this entire time talking about hypothetical people. But let's assume you still need more help. most the time when you see a person with only one set of pronouns, they will be introduced in the style of 'subjct/object' or 'subject/object/possesive pronoun'. this equates to 'he/him/his', 'she/her/hers' and 'they/them/theirs'. If you are struggling to remember what pronoun to use in a sentence just try to replace it with the coresponding gendered pronoun in your head. Its a lot easier to find what's wrong wth the sentence "it belongs to he" than "it belongs to they" if you arent used to they/them pronouns. Once you understand how they are supposed to be used it gets a lot easier! There is also a website (opens in new tab) that people can use that generates sentences so you can practice away from conversation with less pressure!
Now if you do mess up then remember, nobody is perfect, in your mind or out loud you will mess up. I have messed up my own pronouns on myself! The best course of action is to not make a big deal apologizing or to make it about yourself or to lament on how hard it is. What you should do is say sorry, and correct your sentence and then continue. an example of how to do this right:
Person 1: "He has been doing very well-"
Person 2: "actually its they"
person 1: "Right, sorry, they have been doing really well"
And here is how to do it wrong:
Person 1: "He has been doing very well-"
Person 2: "actually its they"
Person 1: "I am so sorry, you know it's just so hard and I feel so bad whenever I mess up. I hope they don't get super mad at me I'm trying my hardest, it's just all these new identities are so difficult to keep up with. I'm just so confused on who's a he, a she, or any other crazy thing!"
So overall just keep your cool, actually try to get better and correct yourself and there won't be any problems!
These are some of what I concider as common nonbinary identities, As I seemthem the most. There are many more and if you dont know one you can see if the person is willing to explain, if they aren't though you can also always look it up. No one will know all identities and one shouldn't stress trying to remember them all! Just respect them and it'll be fine.
All these definitions have been pulled from wiki's and from people explainging it themselfs. I am currently working on compiling the links to add later as I overlooked
adding them when I first wrote this up.
